Yes, you. You read that right. You're dumb, fat, and ugly, and there's nothing you can do about it! So buy useless shit to make yourself feel better about your pathetic life!

....ha, ha!

Who's laughing? I can guarantee you're not! The large companies stuffing their pockets and running to the bank are, though.

The Dumb

Selling you false hope and empty promises, these companies tailor to the weak-minded, insecure individuals who will desperately seek for a product to improve their garbage life...

..unbeknowst to some, you can change your life... FOR FREE!

A simple mind shift is all that is required.

The Fat

Go look in the mirror right now and find something you genuinely like about yourself. Your eyes, your hair, your jelly-rolls. Whatever the hell you want! Own that shit! All your flaws and imperfections. They make you, you.

Now, after that, it is time to educate yourself. Learn that you, and only you, have control over your emotions. Looking around at others for comparison is the quickest route to depression and anxiety.

The Ugly

Every minute of every day we are blitzed with advertisements, from the minute we wake up till the moment we lay our heads to sleep. From the day we're born till the day we die. Logos, brands, and products pollute our earth. Plastered on billboards, engraved in our clothing, advertised in our music playlists, we just cannot escape from all this nonsense.

The Uglier

We can learn to navigate through all the dunnage, however a lot of environmental factors influence our consumer purchases; from our family's brand choices, to our friends' opinions, and keeping up with the major brands celebrities and icons flaunt, we are always influenced and our opinions become warped and contorted.

The Ugliest

Eventually, we end up intertwined in a web of shit, wondering why the hell we bought some Gucci flip flops because some auto-tuned trap-rap artist mumbled it in one of his, umm.... songs..

This is not a declaration to abandon your nifty wristwatch or name-brand sneakers..'s a wake-up call!

It's Either You Or Them

You don't always need to update your posessions based on someone else's repertoire. If it was up to the companies, they would gladly feed your gluttony till you wobble home with a belly full of bankruptcy.

The message here is to be a little more mindful of our consumerism. If you desire a nice article of clothing, by all means, splurge a bit when acceptable and within your budget. If not, stash some spare change, skip eating out, and save up for what you wish to possess. It's that simple.

Still concerned?

If you're dumb... read a book!

If you're fat... exercise regularly and fuel your body with adequate nutrition!

If you're ugly.. well, that sucks! You can't fix ugly. ;-) But you can learn to love yourself for who you are, which is a beautiful human being, instead of wasting money on plastic surgery.

We don't wish to forcefully convert you to our opinions or lifestyle, but if you are interested in what we think a dollar well spent here at Polywander is, it's this: spend more money on experiences, and not material posessions.